the necessity of suffering — and nothing more
as a saturnian (that is, ruled by the planet of hardship and delayed gratification), i became obsessed with the idea of nobility through the refinement of difficult experiences during — predictably — my saturn return. i threw myself into the abyss of the setbacks i was experiencing at the time, committing fully to the emotional experience of finding the lesson in everything. that was a sufficient mechanism for survival at the time. but now, a few years removed from one of the most contentious times of my life, my philosophy on suffering itself has, in true saturnian fashion, matured.
the transiting pisces north node has allowed me to soften, and consider more deeply the life i want to cultivate. radical stoicism is all well and good, but giving myself permission to transform my views on suffering has been liberating (in true aquarian fashion).
now, after a lifetime (and, really, generations) of feeling and seeing the effects of overcoming hardship, i find myself committed not to suffering, but to only suffering when necessary. i control everything i can (really, only myself), and nothing that i can’t. the pain and strife of life on earth is inevitable, but all suffering is not.
it is a daily practice to discern what suffering is necessary, but that practice is more fulfilling, and more human (because what is more saturnian and aquarian, then, than dedicating one’s life to the pursuit of human experience). i love making my life easier for myself in practical ways. perhaps not to excess or extremes, as that can be sticky territory. but if a sweater is scratchy, i thank it for its service and find a new home for it. i don’t commit to endurance for its own sake, which smacks of calvinism’s dreary joylessness and, by extension, my oppressive evangelical upbringing. i commit, rather, to understanding what i must endure, and what i have the creative agency and power to transform — because i deserve to be free, too.